My children amaze me. Without effort, they live in the present. They don’t sit around thinking about what just happened unless, we adults, force them to. Kids can go from being angry or upset one minute to giggling and being lovey the next. It’s a skill worth striving for after Luca’s excellent example this past Saturday.
The Story: A friend, Phil, was carrying Luca upstairs on his back. When they got to the top of the stairs, Phil stood up a bit and Luca slid off his back, whacking his head on the ground. Luca cried hard. Phil was apologetic, but Luca only wanted Mommy. Phil went downstairs, but he got to the bottom of the stairs and Luca was asking for him. As soon as Luca calmed down and realized he was fine, he said, “Phil pjs”. He wanted Phil, the guy who had JUST dropped him and made him cry, to be with him again. Phil told him he sorry for the accident, which Luca already knew, so he said, “okay”. Phil got Luca’s pjs on but Luca still wanted him around. Luca asked that Phil stay for his bedtime routine. Luca gave him a big hug before going to bed and that was that.
Or so I thought.
REFLECTION: Later, when I was recalling the event, I realized that Luca had just taught me something spectacular. Phil made a mistake and went downstairs feeling bad. (I didn’t ask Phil what he was thinking but if I had done the same, I’d probably hear the voice in my head saying, “Well, that was dumb. Why did you stand up so quickly with a kid on your back!?!”) Luca was quick to realize the mistake, so he acted quickly to forget AND forgive! He forgave Phil by gesturing, “put my pjs on so you know we’re cool” (Luca usually ONLY wants Mommy to). Luca continued to let Phil know everything was good by asking Phil to stay around until he was tucked in bed.
It was as if Luca sensed that Phil was feeling really bad. Luca did what he could to remind Phil that he made a mistake but he’s still a good guy. He’s still someone we want around.
I love how Micha and Luca bounce back from a negative event so easily. They don’t hold grudges or wallow in negativity. Something negative happens and then they move on. They make a mistake (hitting, kicking, biting, etc) but they don’t sit around questioning their worth because of it! They know they are still good people who made a mistake. Nothing
One thing I love about my children is how they bounce back from a negative event. They don’t hold grudges, therefore, they don’t wallow in negativity. They get hurt, cry and get mad as quickly as they move on from it. It’s awesome to see.
Unfortunately, most adults don’t do this. We hold grudges, feel bad about certain things we did (even when they were accidents) and strive for more. We get caught up in this thinking and sometimes think “I’m not good enough”.
The truth is we are good enough. We were created to be JUST WHO WE ARE. We aren’t lacking anything and we don’t need to be better. We are who we are and who we are made to be. Kids know this and somehow we unlearn it. Unfortunately, we don’t always have kids around to remind us that right after something’s gone bad (like with Luca) we can move on and things are good again.
Here are some things to remember when you question if you’re good enough:
1) For every negative thought, debunk it with a positive. (It’s even better to debunk it with 3-5 positives.)
2) No one can do what you do like YOU do!!
3) You choose whether to practice stress or practice gratitude. Remind yourself to be present (or stick a post-it reminder on your computer) and then choose gratitude.
4) Focus on your effort and not the outcome. We often forget that a lot of good can come out of a situation even if it doesn’t go as planned.
This week, remember that YOU are just the way you are supposed to be. That means that you are good enough and capable of anything. If you make a mistake, think of Luca and how easily he moved on. Then do the same for yourself. It’s a beautiful when you do!
My children amaze me. They can be hitting, pushing, biting one minute and lovey-dovey the next. They do this because they are present in EACH moment. They don’t sit around thinking about what just happened unless, we the adults, force them to “think about their actions”.